Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
