Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
