woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize