either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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