was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
