Will you blow on my dice?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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