yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
