he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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