we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
