our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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