I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
