Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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