just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
