How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
