i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
