Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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