We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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