I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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