With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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