Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize