I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
