When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
