Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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