so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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