Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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