I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
