just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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