A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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