is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
