I'm really into asian looking animals
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
