Im at strip club and am horny
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
