one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
