I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize