i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
