my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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