I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
