These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
