I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
