Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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