There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize