How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
