does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
false alarm, still single
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
