brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
