I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
