im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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