Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize