I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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