Someone shit on the floor
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize