Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
