if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize