Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
