My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
