and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pants are for mortals
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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