the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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