I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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