A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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