K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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