I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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