Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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