to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
