windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
