this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
