Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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