Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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