my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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