he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
