So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize