Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
