someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
