Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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