What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize