You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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