i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
