i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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