If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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