I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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