You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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