420 ftw
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
