seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
