I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
