We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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