well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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