i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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